Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
