I just made out with a guy for $7.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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