and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
