I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
