i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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