just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
