I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
