dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
