I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
