We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
