I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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