East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am spending my child support on dildos
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
