She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Can you bring me the toilet please
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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