Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
