So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
