btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
