i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
