sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're a waste of cheezeits
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
