Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
