Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
