Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
