Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
