I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
whose parrot is this?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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