Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
