she woke up with a sticky ear
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
