i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
