Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
