marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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