This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
