So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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