The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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