You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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