I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
