i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
