All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
