all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
