my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
