so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
