when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
