thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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