sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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