You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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