We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
