you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
