Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
