I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
