I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
