Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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