I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
