Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
