i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
