Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
