i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
