He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
